Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Publicity Piece

Hey all! Hope your weeks are going well...or at least just going. Going is good!

I keep track of quality responses to "How are you doing?"-ings, and my favorite response I've gotten is from a man named Bob in town:

Me: "Hey Bob! How are you doin' today?"
Bob: "I'm vertical."

Perfect repsonse...says so much without having to say anything at all. That's as far as most of our conversations go, but I enjoy it every time. 

ANYWAYS

I wanted to post this video before I forgot to do so. A man named Peter Brewitt got in contact with GreenTown and set up a time to visit over the summer. He works for Orion Magazine and he met with myself and a few others to gather info for an article. Super cool dude, AND he also happens to be a grad student at UCSC, so it was kinda fun for me. 

He sent this out to us today, and he actually made his experience into an audio slideshow, and I think it came together really well. I encourage you to check it out. Here's the article if you want to check that out as well/instead. Even if you THINK you know a lot about the town...this will show you a lot more. I really appreciate his approach and insight.

That's all for now, but more updates are brewing. 

In the meantime, stay vertical.

-J

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Control isn't mine to have...apparently.

I just went on the best bike ride of my life...and I have had some pretty amazing rides to look back on. Today was about me; my body, my mind, and most importantly, my spirit. 

I haven't blogged for a while, and that's because life started moving a little too fast for me to keep up with. I started feeling like I was on a treadmill that jumped levels and I came shooting off the end with a few skid knees and busted motivation. Between applications, feeling homesick, and figuring out how to best care for myself as well as others, I shut down. I think I felt like I was handling everything, and then once everything started to 'whisk' together at an uncontrollable speed, I fell into the nastiest, foggiest slump. 

Going home for the holidays was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I don't think I have ever had a better visit at home. Not to say that the others weren't special...but at this time in my life, a time of ultimate confusion and frustration, home was the best cure for any broken heart or lost sole. And this may sound dramatic, or even depressing, but I'm hoping someone, anyone, reading can sympathize with these feelings. Life can be SO stupid! We have wants, needs, desires, hopes, dreams, fears, and who knows what else...and it can be overwhelming! Overwhelmed, that's how I felt, and being home is what I needed.

Because going home was so good, coming back was pretty difficult. I left 80 degree beach weather and was welcomed back with a frosty vortex. It was hard...and it's still hard. I have been back for about 2 weeks, and my routine is still not quite back on course. 

But today felt different. I woke up and as I left the house for work, the sun was out, the skies were clear, and I knew that today things would start to feel better. So after work, I pumped up my tires, grabbed my sunglasses, and rode my bike. I didn't listen to music, I let my bike decide where to go, and I rode handless with my arms reached out towards both coasts to let the sun tell me that everything will be okay. 

I let my brain wonder. I thought about where I'm headed in life, college memories, what I wanted for dinner, how I am going to pay for grad school, will I even get into grad school?! That's when I realized that I can't control everything (except for like, dinner), and I have to accept that that is OKAY. I am where I am today because I worked hard and somehow, things fell into place. I also realized that I am lucky to be surrounded by supportive, wise, and kind individuals who let me be confused, knowing that I will find my way.

Daniel, my boss/mentor, wrote me an email with these words in it, words that mean a lot to me and how I am feeling.

"And change, until we are seasoned and wise enough to know better, is stressful! The beauty of age/experience, is that we come to understand that there is nothing to fear, and that it is that change that keeps us vibrant and engaged. The most helpful shift in my life was understanding that "we are not in control and that is a very good thing"."

I read these words carefully and tried to apply it to my experiences. I've always tried to be that go-with-the-flow person, but I know I struggle with that when I am in situations that mean a lot to me. Grad school/life in general IS that stressor right now, but I am training myself to let go and trust that everything will pan out as it should. This isn't a new concept, I'm not Einstein, but I've never had to fully rely on myself to pull myself out of a slump, a rough patch. And I really do think it's vital to look to yourself first and not relying on others to just fix YOUR life.

So now, I am committed to riding my bike in times of doubt. Or just doing something, anything, to take my mind from negative to positive, doubt to trust, low to high. I will say, "LET IT BE."

I choose to be successful, happy, compassionate, and HILARIOUS...so I will be, no matter what.

I never intended for this blog to have this 'self-actualization' tone...but I guess I'm coming to find that this is real life, and I'm not always in control over what happens. Thanks for listening and continuing to be my best form of therapy. I have a few positive posts I'm planning on writing very soon (including my Colorado ski trip and religious revelation), so until then, stay out of control.

-J